Archive for Break Up

Aftermath?…Numb

Posted in Boyfriend, Relationship with tags on November 14, 2008 by talesandtallies

“I don’t know, Are we?”, I replied.

He called back almost immediately as if he had been waiting for some sort of signal. He expressed his bitterness about I cutting off all communication from him when he needed me the most. I complained about the sudden silence and being unable to reach him. I complained about leaving him messages that were never returned. I complained about the loss of contact and how I regretted missing his calls. It seemed like he wasn’t ready to have any of that.

After a few minutes of arguing with him, I just blurted it out. “If you are so unhappy with me, or you don’t see how much effort I am putting into this as well… then for what it’s worth, why are you still with me?”

“Are you saying you don’t want us to see each other again?”, he said after a moment of silence.

“I don’t know, you were the one that wanted to break up with me” I admitted in a disgusted tone of voice. He sent that text, didin’t he?I never thought we would have any issues that would warrant such a message. But he cut me short before I could drive home my point.

” I never looked at the semi-nude pictures you sent me because I was waiting to appreciate you in person. I only mentioned it to hear your opinion, not for you to oblige. I went to see my mother over the weekend which is why you couldn’t reach me for a while. I had a minor accident on my way back, but it was just a few bruises. I also met with one of your ex’s at my mother’s. Apparently, his mother and mine used to be colleagues.”

He paused for a bit and continued. “You just sound different, like you’re ready for something else. I will always love you though.”

Phone went dead, before I could utter anything meaningful. He probably didn’t want me defending myself. Given the chance, I’m not sure I would have.

It was sad; what he made mention of tugged at my heart.I however did not cry, go hysterical or react in an overly emotional way after he hung up. I was still numb.

Our anniversary is only a couple of days away; this simply confirms the jinx that I can never be in a relationship for more than six months.

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Walk the Line

Posted in Boyfriend, Reflections, Relationship with tags , on November 12, 2008 by talesandtallies

I found something decent to wear, it was about 4.30 but the darkness still hung in the sky. I walked out into this cold, cold night. It was quiet, the whole school had gone asleep!Heck, I thought the whole world was asleep except mine; It was facing a nightmare of its own. The  Street lights were on,  but I preferred walking on the dimly lit side walks. My head tilted down, phone in hand with ear piece connected. Set it to flight mode and began listening to the music.

I reached a junction with two turns, one was pitch dark and the other a straight road with lights shining brightly. I observed my shadow in this light. There were three. For the first time I reckoned they accompanied me from my dorm. I agreed with myself that I needed to see a doctor; I must be crazy to have a soliloquy with my own shadows. I didn’t notice the guard walk in my direction; his voice startled me.

“Are you ok?” he asked.

“Yeah”, I said.

He had been observing me from a distance all the while; “You were talking to yourself just now”.

“No, no… I was just singing and I paused to change the track” I lied. I had been thinking out loud about seeing the doctor, I hope he didn’t hear it. But if he did, he could quickly convince himself that he was simply reading my thoughts or he never saw me this night.

I thanked him and walked away quickly in the other direction. I felt him staring at me in disbelief under the lights and with an aura of fear, I hastened my steps.I stole a few glances over my shoulder until he turned around to walk back; then I slowed down to catch my breath. I continued to walk in the middle of this road blinded by the night, afraid to fall but wouldn’t let myself stop.

All the feelings I witnessed on this walk were synonymous with my relationship. It was the longest walk of my life but I sought solace in thinking the end was near. Just like I thought B would be here soon as he promised the last time we spoke, adding how much he loved me. My doubts rested on how often I believed in the word soon and it never came through because he still wasn’t here.  I really could have gone the easy way with a making a commitment to either of Tom, Dick and Harry, each in close proximity. But I didn’t.  Instead, I chose to walk the line.

B’s text came in shortly as I switched my phone off flight mode. This line read; “Are we over already?”.